Today I have decided to address Tim Hortons, regarding their Roll Up the Rim campaign. I am currently in the midst of what is known as essay season. As most who have written essays know well, the essay writing process is usually benefitted by coffee. Recently, however, Tim Hortons has added stress to both essay writing and coffee drinking through their annual Roll Up the Rim campaign. After years of hoping and failing to win a prize that will fund my plans for the summer, I have decided to tell Canada’s favourite coffee place of my frustrations at this time of year, when essay season and Roll Up the Rim collide.
Dear Tim Hortons,
For years you have offered a range of caffeinated beverages to those who need energy as quickly as possible. As a university student and a San Antonio Spurs fan living in the Eastern time zone, I am grateful for that. I am also grateful for Roll Up the Rim season, and the free coffees I have won from it. But Tim Hortons, you great Canadian coffee provider, you get my hopes up every year, only let me down. I have measured out my life with coffee cups, waiting for that elusive Corolla or RAV4. But it is time that I stop living my life with unrealistic hopes and coffee sweats.
I know that I have no right to complain. You offer me the same coffee at the same price I always pay. You offer me the chance of a reward, and still I ask for more. I think things like, Sixteen years of rolling up the rim and I haven’t even won a barbecue?! and Why can’t you offer me a billion dollars like Warren Buffett has? when in reality, I don’t even deserve the snack box of Timbits that was your 1986 grand prize offering. I know, too, that you have been generous with me in the past. I’m not like that poor fool I once stood behind in line who said it had been three years since he had won at Roll Up at Rim. But at this point, I’m getting frustrated. I’ve gone one for twelve this year on cups this year, or one for twenty-four, if you include the bonus rolls. With all of this in mind, I think we need to take some time apart.
When it comes down to it, I know the problem is not you but me. I ask for too much, and I give too little. I have gotten my own hopes up. You told me of my chances, and still I believed you would give me more. Maybe this is because I am selfish, or maybe it is because I never took a statistics class. Either way, the onus is on me, and now it is time for me to take responsibility and move on. I know that you’ll have no trouble getting over me. (I saw the line for Tim Hortons today.) You needn’t worry that I’ll move onto your green-logoed competitor. Instead, I think I’ll stop drinking coffee for a while, and return to you in a month or so with my reusable cup in hand. Our time away from each other will give me some time to think, and maybe explore the world of tea.
I wish you all the best, Tim Hortons. I will pass you by with road regrets, though I will be glad to do without the coffee sweats. (Listen to Dan Mangan, and you’ll know how this process goes.) Know that I will be back again someday, either with a need for coffee or with one last hoping of winning a Corolla.
Sincerely,
Courtney
Song of the Day: Road Regrets by Dan Mangan
