As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I go to the same on-campus bar every Wednesday to hear Rick McGhie play American Pie and Sweet Carolina. It’s a laid back setting, with many people coming straight from class with backpacks. Several times I’ve heard my female friends say of another female’s outfit, “It looks like she’s trying too hard.” Often the offending female is usually wearing a skirt, or a tank top she could wear out on a Saturday night. Sometimes she just happens to have particularly nice hair and make up. The comment comes as a condemnation. An article I read recently, Cool Front/Hot Mess, sums it up perfectly: “To be cool is to rule according to 20th century attitudes — where rejecting such inelegant notions as effort, enthusiasm, and of course desire elevated your status.”
To address the first of the three inelegant notions, females are often made to seem ridiculous for putting effort into outfits. In a university setting, the prevailing mentality is that one shouldn’t be wearing anything more formal than sweatpants to an early morning class. (I’ve read many tweets expressing this opinion at 8:30 in the morning.) The thing is, you never know how much effort someone put in an outfit. What may seem like a contrived combination to one may have come naturally to another. A friend once pointed out a girl at Rick’s who was wearing a dress, without noticing that I was wearing one too. When I mentioned this to her, she said, “But you always wear dresses!” It’s true, I wear dresses and skirts as often as jeans, but maybe the girl my friend pointed out wears dresses often too. Unless you know someone, you shouldn’t comment on whether or not she has put in too much effort to what she is wearing. You just don’t know.
My mom once recommended I wear a certain top when I was going out that night, and I told her I didn’t want to look like I had tried too hard. Her response: “Who cares?” If the reactions of my friends and peers are anything to go by, it seems that many people care. The more difficult question, then, is why does everyone care? It seems that many people preoccupied with the reason why someone is wearing an outfit, whether she wears it to attract male attention, as many assume females wearing make up, skirts and low cut tops are. An outfit is giving meaning that it doesn’t necessarily have.
And this leads me to the idea of enthusiasm. If someone is wearing a sequinned bustier because she loves it, and someone else is wearing a Batman shirt because she thinks everyone else will love it, the second outfit is the more problematic of the two. Usually we don’t know what someone’s intention was when she got dressed, and more often than not, we don’t know what she wears on a regular basis. If someone got dressed wearing something that she loves, I’ll applaud her style choice, regardless of what it is. And if she got dressed to appeal to someone else, well, I don’t judge her for that either. She probably looks good, and I hope she feels that way. It’s only if she feels uncomfortable in what she is wearing than her outfit becomes a problem. I’m of the belief that you don’t need to change anything about yourself as long as you’re happy, so wear what you want, and allow others to do the same. Judgment is a habit. We need to be aware of our thinking.
Get ready for it. I’m revisiting this topic in a few weeks to discuss Halloween costumes.
Song of the Day: Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones
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