I was home alone one night, while my roommate was out on a date with her boyfriend. I was dancing to a great playlist I had made a few months before, but I didn’t know which one it was. I looked down and realized that while my roommate was on a date, and I was home alone listening to my Valentine’s Day playlist called Strong Independent Women. I laughed and laughed, and I turned up the volume on some Icona Pop.
I have jokingly told my friends that my relationship status is eating a burrito. To be honest, I don’t have a problem with that.
I’m a big proponent of self-love. It’s so hard to be in a meaningful relationship, whether it’s friendly, romantic or sexual, if you can’t love yourself first. I believe that if you can love yourself on the nights when you’re home alone and it seems like everyone is doing something cooler than you are, or on the days when it seems like nothing is going right, you’ll be so much happier in the long term than if you’re waiting around for someone to love you. Self-love takes effort and practice. It takes realizing that some days you aren’t going to like yourself, but you need to get past that and recognize the things that make you great. The thing about self-love is that once you have a positive relationship with yourself, you start to see the people around you in a different a way. You start to see something incredible in them too.
You can still be a strong independent woman — or man! — when you’re in a relationship. It means loving yourself and loving the person you’re with. It means sharing the positivity you have in your relationship with the world. And it means allowing yourself to be loved by someone who recognizes how great you are.
My good friend Nicole sent me a text to wish me a happy Galentine’s Day. We have talked before about how we have learned to love ourselves, and to love the people around us. (We share an awesome group of friends.) When I see Nicole now, she glows.
Song: ***Flawless by Beyoncé
Valentine’s Day, like many highly commercialized holidays, can be difficult. It’s easy to get caught in the trap of thinking that your day has to involve all of the elements typically associated with Valentine’s Day. If you’re single, it can make you want to lock yourself in your room listening to “Alone” by Heart on repeat. (Or worse, listening to “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches.) For those who are in relationships, you can feel pressure to deliver a day that conforms to conventional expectations. Either way, you can start to think that your life should look a certain way because TV shows and diamond stores have said so. What matters most is doing something that’s going to be fun for you and your date(s), which could be your significant other, your group of friends, or your awesome self and a burrito.
At the same time, there’s no shame in being one of those people who like Valentine’s Day. It can be a break from the quotidian, and a chance to show someone how much you care about them. And if you aren’t in a relationship and wish you had a romantic Valentine’s Day date, that’s okay too! If you want to wear red and pink for Valentine’s Day, wear it! There is as much energy devoted to condemning Valentine’s Day as there is to promoting it. Allow yourself to spend the day in a way that works for you. I like the idea of Valentine’s Day as Treat Yourself Day.
In second year, I wore a red dress to class on Valentine’s Day. A woman in my Canadian Drama class said that it was cute that I was wearing red. “Thank you,” I said. “Last year I was wearing black!”
Song: Kiss Me by New Found Glory
Sometimes it sucks to be single, and Valentine’s Day can really remind you of that. This is when Galentine’s Day comes in. Galentine’s Day comes from the show Parks and Recreation, and is celebrated the day before Valentine’s Day. My friends and I like to get together on Valentine’s Day with some wine and baked goods.
In first year, Erica and I stayed up late on Valentine’s Day talking about high school, and relationships, and plans for the future. We laughed and we cried, and I knew that she was one of the friends I wanted to keep for life.
I’m glad that I have a great group of male and female friends who will keep me from feeling lonely even when I am single. They’re the kind of people who tell me that I’m so much cooler than his girlfriend when the guy I’m interested in is seeing someone else. Because as important as it is to love yourself, it’s important to surround yourself with people who love you too.
Song: We Get On by Kate Nash
Happy Valentine’s Day to my friends, family and blog readers. I hope that you spend the day doing things that make for feel awesome. I wish you all (self-)love, conversation hearts, and a good burrito.
Song of the Day: She’s So High by Tal Bachman
Because I’ve been listening to it on repeat and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
